Bandung here i ammmmmmmm

Yay yay yay! Im going back today!! Hehehe…. S’bas gona accompany me to the airport… hehehe… thx mann!!! Hm… I think Itz time for me to conceal whatever I feel about my life…. Read onnnnnn J

Yupz.. my life is a very blessed one…! I myself feel very grateful to God, that my life is filled with lotza blessings… I was born as first child to bear the family name (tho im a girl.. :p), Ive known Jesus from the beginning of my life, and I served Him with passion once… my family does quite well, I got into good school and the 1998 riot did not really reach my hometown… although I was sent to Singapore, im grateful too, that by being here, I see the world from different perspective, be more analytical, be more matured and learn new things everyday.

Friends in Singapore hav influenced me immensely.. I who once regarded all things as ‘bad’ or ‘sinful’ now could accept more things openly. however, these led me astray from my religion. Sometimes I feel guilty and ashamed that I don’t even know anyone from my church (after 5 years of being church-goer) well.. what is lacking in my life? Ever since I arrived in Singapore, my life has been blessed one!… tho I was in neighbouring school, I learnt that we are very united compared to other bigger schools (coz school population was very small).. my prelim result was a mess becoz of E8 for history, thatz y I got into PJC.. otherwise, I’d be in other JCs (L1R5 was 16 after added with history… quite remarkable right? ^_^).. my O level was disappointing but yeah.. I could still make it…. L1R5 was 15.. so I could stay on at PJC… I found good friends in PJ, and did quite remarkable well for my A level (for my standard horrr)…. Furthermore, I got into NTU which has been my mum’s dream for me to be in NTU… I got the course tat I put as first choice, comp engine… even tho I didn’t pass my GP, SAT I and got a U (ungraded) for my CCA :p now… Why can’t I be grateful to God and serve Him in return? I even avoided baptism class once Im in bandung… gosh… I dunno y im this way… part of me WANT to be baptized, but part of me feels that im not ready for that commitment… maybe im afraid that Christian’s rules are too hard for me…

Itz quite embarrassing when new-people think im a Buddhist of a freethinker… have I changed that much? Me, who was once a devoted member of church choir, in a cell-group, secretary of church youth ministry and alwiz come for any function organized… now? I only devote ONE day in a week to church.. one day! N itz only to go there to pray, listen to sermon but didn’t really do anything to imply it in life..

As for bookz… Nowadays im intrigued by Dan Brown which is kinda anti-christ.. I read the book for the sake of reading… to see what other people think of Christianity.. But.. am I slipping more n more to the darker side now?? I do have faith in God… my family has alwiz been a devoted Christian (but not fanaticssss) and the role model is my mum.. sometimes talking to her on the phone when I tell her ‘aiya.. very scared for exams..’ or ‘im very stressed’ or ‘how?!’ her answer will straight away be ‘just pray… god will make a way…’ isn’t it impressive?? I mean I wouldn’t think of that answer first.. I’d say… ‘erhm… nvm.. u can make it one…’ or ‘relax… take ur time…’ or something like that…im scared of what the devil is doing on our world… GP classes made me convinced that Devil wil make things GOOD in our point of view… scarrrrrryyyyyyyyyy

Is this what pharaoh felt when Moses persuaded him to free the Israelites, pharaoh was given a free mind but stoned heart… is this what Lord is doing to me?? Or is this His own plan to make me a bigger blessing when one day I do commit to serve Him forever? Well2… I gota get going to get the fax machine,… :p ciaoz…. Gona update this blog ‘kapan2..’ :p my phone line in bandung is being under repaired -_-‘ thatha all.. take care!!!!