mad beyond words......

Here I am blogging for the last 'night', coz tomorrow marlin will be terminating the internet connection... sigh... wad am I to do without internet connection, deshou? =[

My family are sleeping in my not so messy room *barren to be precise*... while me, sleeping in marlin's room... well... this is hardly THE marlin's room that i remember... no more the 'cozy corner' pampered with loadza pillows... No more boasting of pictures... no more pretty array of books... geez... no wonder they say a house needs "woman's touch" XD.. it feels really cold without those 'touches' XD

Anyway.. the aircon in my room is leaking =.= im really worried abt my granma slip n fall... :S i hope the aircon gives mercy :( to be honest, i was in real shock to see my granma just now.. she seemed to have lost alot of weight!! but she's the usual regal self bhow.. thumbs up for her...

Anyway... i found one more reason to go back to indo *for good*... seriously.. i dont think in any state, i wanna leave my family, especially my parents.. i think they need me by their sides.. so ya.. i think i will be going back for good... sooner or later.. no matter how much i'll hate the 'lifestyle' there... no matter how others would look at me... no matter what other people will say.. let them say what they wanna say.. i dont care.. i wont give a damned thing...

This is gonna be a whole lot of ranting, spitting, cursing and blabbering... you have been warned......

I apologize... =.=; just now i just found something about people talking behind my back and well.. i do that too... just that.. the iritating thing is, that person is NEVER close to me.. and whenever we meet, that person will just give a stupid fake smile which i hate so much... n i always resent going with that person so much n that ... wadever..... i really wont give a damning care.. just that, bearing in mind, im gona be sooo carefully cautious around that person... never in my life ill let that person come to my inner circle... im gona bitch about that person as many times as i want.....

Well after i found out about that, it is really a big 'NO WONDER' when other people is introduced to me, the other people would ALREADY have that kind of perception of me in their mind.. and really, many more 'NO WONDER's are forming a list in my mind... wadahel! bitch! i seriously feel like cursing whatever connections i have with that regretably living cunning moron.... if u wana compete, compete head on! wad are you so afraid of?? the drama not working out? or people found out that im not who you say i was? fuck off from other people's business!!

Sorry.. actually the purpose of this blog is about to comment about our state of house now.. n then i got carried away with 'going back for good' and then i remember another thought... damn.. the person who told me about the 'news' behind my back told me to just shrug it off... well i dun think i c/would.... what makes u think u can step on my tail when i dont even know you and you dont even know me well enough to say those things..?! Yea, it sux to finally KNOW that the image of ME in your ugly-little-fucked-up-brain all these while is like that... but u know what? it just proves me that you are not worth any of my time.. thx =] time is short.. my time is only for those i do cherish and those cherishes me... so.. u can fuck off....!

yuck... im through with that horrible DAMN BITCH!!

There's another person i start to grow to hate (lets say person B).. even though the first time that person B take a part in my life, seems like everything about person B is honest, innocent and straight forward... n the more i talk *or hear people talking about person B* i grow suspicious and keep on looking for the motives behind each talk, each moves, each 'good behaviour'... well im not usually looking at the negative part of a person for as long as that person dont start emanating such blacky aura... Anyway.. yes, i even asked several people abt person B.. and i got various answers like 'honest', 'sincere', 'mean', 'calculative' *calculated moves, i mean*.. so u see.. other people sees different thing... so i kept my opinion to myself.. only to one person whom i really think should be TOLD not to be sooo in awed by person B and starting idolizing this non-worthy person B, who has cleverly manipulated everyone into siding B.

Within a short months, some of the people came back to me and voiced out their changed opinion 'irritating', 'what does person B want actually??', 'talk too much no action', 'boot-licker *a very good one at that*'... see? everyone else starts noticing what iv been feeling since last year =.=; im rather good in judging people... it's a good thing that i warned one person (C) early.... n now everything is proven just like how i thought it is... n good thing that person really 'brainwashed' by me and thus, it kinda towards that person's advantage... not giving a single damn care about person B.. and guess what happens? person B starts to pour cold water in things that C is excited about.....

To you too B...!! even though i KNOW there's no way you can find this blog, im gona make sure my feelings for you REACH YOU!! i hate people going back on their words... n i hate people pouring cold water just becoz they dont want others to have 'better things' than what they have.... and i HATE IT MOST when you try making us fight and you would laugh at a distance somewhere..??? damn YOU too!! i hope you get back what you deserve...!!! that's still a prayer isnt it? i PRAY that you will get something in return... something that matches YOU...

Dont you dare messing with my life.... or il make you live a living hell on earth.. dont even try/think to mess with my frens u asshole!!!! ill salvage them FIRST before you reach out your poisonous lies!!