Opportunity...

Opportunity does not come often.. when it comes, most of us dont even recognize it, dont even bother to look at it, dont even WISH to be part of it.... n when all opportunities comes to past, looking back, there are alot of regrets... part of it that is affected is, confidence...

Lack of confidence?... Particularly true to me, where i dont have that 'expertise' or 'proffessionalism' which is expected from a graduate like me... [especially from a specialised stream some more O_o']

Ive always believed that I have the greatest luck in life, which, is basically, i believe tat God's work and that im always super grateful about that.

There have been alot of times where i think myself as not only 'incapable' of doing things right, but also 'expert in messing things up'... n i wonder.. y did God let me go through with it so easily? is this really meant to be this way?

For example, when I was choosing the course for university, it was just 'luck' that i got into computer engineering.. i didnt know what i really wanted.. n i thought 'if it was meant to be, be it'.... i got in... n then, after trying 1 semester, 2 semesters, i thought i wouldnt be able to make it.. i thought 'if it is not meant to be, be it..' and i managed to wriggle and passed 1st year.. (NOT with flying colour, mind you!) and then, the same sequence happen for year 2 and 3...

When it came to choosing IA company, it was really hard for me, BECAUSE i dont have the confidence... what do i have in transcript? strings of Cs and Ds and few Bs and rare As...?? when other people elbowed their way to get attention of big companies, i chose the company which draws my attention and has always been the 'part of my dream job', because basically, you dont stay in office, but kepoh-ing to your clients' companies......

N ofcourse, having horrible transcript, i was so ashamed to even bring it up.. but anyway, since I had to choose one for IA, i selected that company only minutes before the IA registration is closing..... n i said 'if it is meant to be, be it'.... n it was one of the first 'HAPPY' thing i had, when i could get in to that company... n i was more AWED the first day i came to work...

What drenched my confidence, was my IA partner, the super brilliant guy who seems to know whatever and everything he's doing... compared to him, im a turtle.... yes, i mean it!! well.. i thought i would never want to come back again.. n then, the surprised offer letter came..... so, 'if it is meant to be, be it'

N of course, big reasons of why i chose to come back, no doubt, is because i dont have any confidence facing any more interviewers...!! well.. building confidence is not easy... there are alot of times where i thought i would back out.. there are even more plans (more than u guys know) in my head when i signed the offer letter....

Then, i watched nodame cantabille.. (i know this sounds dumb).. the part where chiaki screwed up in one of the competition MISERABLY..., the next competition, he chose the same piece... n he did brilliantly... so, lessons gain, is that I NEED to rebuild my confidence, and to prove the others (whoever) that i could do it.. it starts from this job =]

And from day 1, i have already promised myself that I WOULD definitely do my best here. n guess wad? i was not assigned any job O_o' or rather, i was assigned job, but was postponed.. and no one else gave me any job...

This is another way of tumbling someone's confidence, u know... knowing that no one actually trusts you for any job, whereas the other person who just joined, seemed busy everyday... i told myself 'she is more experienced than you! duh! know urself! wad can you do?'... you know what i can do? i cant take initiative =] I asked to go for trainings, and i think the training helps at least to give overview and even though it's something i 'heard' before in school, it is totally different from the way my company is looking at... so, i really think it helps... =]

Thank God, the project actually resumed.. =] I took this as an opportunity (tats y i bring the work home, and choose to work on it on weekend ~ not counted as OT, mind you) to really do well at first 'job' and I hope to bring quality work... =p (cie)

I was also overjoyed when yesterday, one of them asked for my help.. i know it's not the kind of 'big jobs' but at least, this time, i will have codes to charge to... =p

~sekilat info:~ di company gw, setiap jam tuw harus 'dilaporin'... jadi, misalnya, hari ini, selama 8 jam, what have I done? kalo gada kerjaan apa2, masuknya 'admin'.. nagh, it reflects quite bad, klu loe kebanyakan 'admin'... this week, gw 2 hari pertama ngerjain kerjaan temen gw, n ga dikasi charge code... jadinya gw cuman bisa charge ke 'admin'... ngerti? klu ngerjain project, bisa charge ke project.. jadinya oom oom besar tau 'ooooo si ini kerjain project ini toch....'... so, as long as there's codes to charge to, im happy =]

Another thing is, kemaren, ceweq yg baru masuk jg (yg seemed busy with work), datengin gw... dia blg dia kerja 3 hari (3x8 jem), tapi cuman dikasi charge 6 jam... jadi dia bingung sisanya mu diapain T.T.... ksian jg dia O_o... but at least, gw ngerasa beruntung gw pergi training =p training is chargable =p jadi minggu ini, 'admin' gw cuman 8 jem.. heheee....

See the point? i had opportunity to know my other peers from across the table.. it is opportunity to talk to them, gather what they're doing, etc... n then, another window of opportunity is opened.. i had nothing to do, n all it takes is a request... n when the request is granted, i got both knowledge AND chargable codes =p yet another opportunity comes, that is, the part of work that is entrusted to my hand.... seize this opportunity to open more windows to opportunity =]

*Dekinai kotto nande nanimo nai kara.. sou JIBUN wo, shinjitte ikou!!*