-.-.-.-.-.-.-peter pan.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

marlin's nick last night inspires me to write this blog today... it was 'why cant we just be like the little innocent kids who lead simple lives' straight away came to me... 'peter pan....' wad makes her wrote that nick? i do not know.. but i have my own stories to tell too.... :D

for some of us, our childhood might be happy, abused, meaningful, sorrowful, etc.. but somehow, when we look back.. there's definitely something MORE during those days than days we are facing right now... be it our days in the playgroup with those small little cutie frenz... we got scolded by parents and teachers whom seemed to be huge giants those days... we, being scared off by almost eniting and everyting... and we, think we're so smart for being able to sing out loud 'indonesia raya' and 'indonesia tanah pusaka'... we think we're the princesses when watching those fairytales stories... used to think there's a mother-fairy... and our motto is 'when u believe, it'll come true'... and gee… when we grow up… where has those happy thoughts gone to??

story of peter pan, recently is argued becoz it said that the author is *er wadz the word?* like michael jackson.. he was into kids... O_o' oh well.. i dun care what he was coz i think what matters is HIS story.. story of a boy who doesnt want to grow up and CANT grow up... whom says '…think of something happy and u'll fly...' wun any1 wish life is that simple? or maybe, look at from the other angle, maybe.. maybe.. the fact that none of us could fly is becoz we cant really think of something that makes us purely sincerely happy?? Peter pan proves me that adults DO look back to their past…

I was just sighing and saying ‘how I wish I could go back to JC days…’ when there isn’t any class, I’d simply ring eni1 and we’ll juz spend our day hanging out…. And I remember, when I was in JC, I was saying ‘how I wish I could still be in sec… even tho we’re dealing with O levels *which seems to be our biggest day*… we could really enjoy classmates’ company… a well-formed teacher-students relationships…’ and when I was in sec school…………. This list goes on up to the point where ur mind remembers the ultimate age that u could remember… kindergarten? When ur younger sibling was born? When u were able to walk (impossible lah hor.. :p)… my point is, we all do look back to the past and someway or another, wish that we’re still there..

Why can’t we move on? Why is it so easily said ‘hey.. itz over… move on.. life goes on u know.. this is not the end of the world..’ easy to say, hard to do, but logical and truly so…. Looking back to our childhood times… remember how easy for us to squabble with one person, and also, easy for us to just forget, move on and be frenz again with the same person…. We never got tired of it…. But, as we step into a more mature age, teenage days were purposeful in finding ourselves and our ‘cliques’…. Ignoring and bullying people outside our circle of frenz… Older teenager’s lives getting to be more complicated.. emotionally, physically, psychologically, environmentally (apa seghhhh hehe :p) we start to find more people to be added to this circle of frenz which seemed to be shrinking… we need more people to lean on and to confide on... why? Becoz life gets more complicated… but why is life getting more complicated? Aint it said ‘move on n forget about it?’ *hell yea.. like itz that simple? Hehe…*

Wad makes us indulge in the past?? Be it happiness or hatred… y? y do we hav to ALWIZ look back and say… ‘once….’ ‘last time…’… this or that’s happened… well THAT’S the past O_o’ like the lyrics of Tears, ‘… time through the rain has set me free.. sand of time will keep u memory…’ isn’t this true?? Everything that has happened are JUST memory… what good can it make you? it could be ur motivation to move on… if it is a happy memory, yeaps.. be happy, cherish those days in ur heart… if it is bad memories, let it be memories that could make you ‘change’ ur life that those bad memories wouldn’t haunt u no more..

Let’s voice down on an issue.. relationship… yeaps itz something that we eventually will be looking for right? from my own experience, I have not been really looking for a bf until that guy came into the pic… O_o’ to me, he is someone worth worshipping n it doesn’t change even tho’ ive found out that he, indeed, is human.. not some –too-good-to-be-true- guy…. Well, all along ive been happy with my single (available or unavailable) status… dun care wadever my mum’s nagging asking me to find a decent guy…. Well.. maybe the reason why im not interested into a relationship is becoz of my selfish nature…. Maybe I hate to be fixed with this one person that’s supposedly ur ‘everything’ and not being able to freely go out with others…. Later on, I found out that I HATE the feelings when faced with this good (if not best) friends of mine, waiting for me to give them THAT one particular answer they’re waiting for…. U know when u answer ‘yes’, its not enuff to make them happy coz ur feelings towards them is ‘fren-fren’ kinda feeling n nothing more… while the answer is ‘no’, itz even worse… they’d get far far far away from u… nothing could be the same again, can it? unfortunately, it cant.. as time passes by, those people would eventually become my frens again… and when we’re frenz, I start to treat them as frenz again.. n then people would say im playing with their feelings.. itz v saddening to me too.. knowing that I want to be their fren again, n I guess they too want to be my fren again.. but as we’re closer, their feelings develop again and I gota hurt them again?? do u think i like to go hurting people? O_o'

Well.. my frenz were happy about ‘cogan’ and how I was ‘saddened’ with his status.. becoz they thought I’d learn from the ‘hurtful feeling’… the thing is I KNOWWW Ive hurt them by rejecting.. but then it wasn’t intentional and I cant even imagine myself making out with a guy… well.. closer frenz know my ‘phobia’... so… back to peter pan.. how I wish I wld never grow up n wld never be stuck in these kind of situation whereby u don’t want to lose the person, but u juz cant be theirs either…. Especially for those who have been in relationship AND broke up? Definitely there’s no way u 2 could be frens again right? isn’t it a lost for both worlds? U loose someone great in ur life…. Eniwei, i guess, the reason y i dun want to be in any relationships is becoz when there's no string attached, u'll be able to move from one person to another... call that a selfish nature of mine.. *it is :p* as in im not fixed to someone, goes out with someone.. i guess i am the type who would easily get bored.. n need a change of environment quite often (oh noo 'purpose-driven-life' says it is a sign of people hu has no clue about their purpose in life! O_o'), Early 20s (me!), is save for those of u who aren’t Indonesian-single-girls…. Mothers start to ask ‘enione in mind?’ or ‘let me intro u to this person O_o’’ hey.. some equation :p

While (u == kid){

If(likeSomeOne == true) System.out.println(“im with that person”);

Else System.out.println(“dun play with them LOR..”);

likeSomeOne++;

}

So simple…. When u r with that person, its juz YOU enjoying that person’s company.. nothing more… so? Can I go back? No….. >_ (koq jadi galak ya? Well towards the end.. something happened O_o’ so my chain of thoughts were kinda disrupted O_o’) *end here hehe…*

(ok2.. give u guys a summary lagh)

Well…. Life is life… we have been thru some of the phase in this life… each phase has their own memory, be it good or bitter…. One thing we should keep in mind is that we could never move on if we keep on dwelling in the past…. Do u still want to be like peter pan? He would never have felt emotions such as hurt or love………. Ur choice… :D